· We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry, NO BRAIN found...!

· If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

· When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

· Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

· Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.

· I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

· Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

· Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

· First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

· Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

· Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

· I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

· God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested.

· The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

· Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

· Why were males created before females?
          'Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

· ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

· Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

· Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
         A: There have been sightings of UFOs.